Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
