I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
