I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
