remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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