I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
