just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
