we're chasing vodka with high fives
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Terrible idea I love it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
