whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How does one acquire holy water?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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