i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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