there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
