I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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