Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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