you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
