i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
