This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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