haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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