i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
