Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You were trust falling into bushes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
