I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
