hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
