Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it's great music for shaving your balls
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
