happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
