We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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