The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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