Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
