im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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