its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
