Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize