If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
