If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
