There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
