Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
