If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
