You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
