my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize