He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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