mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
