best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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