then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think your dad took our porno
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize