allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
