I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
