I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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