if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
