its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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