The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
