An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
