My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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