i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize