New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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