I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
