i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
