Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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