she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
