you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
