Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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