she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
