im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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