omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
