Your mouth is God's brothel.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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