her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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