a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You need a sexual gate keeper
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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