Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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