He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
