i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
