the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
