i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
