And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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