I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
