it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
is wine microwaveable?
why do cheetos always look like penises
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
