I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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