If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
