he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
