I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
