I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just google imaged poop.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
