So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
