Tell her she can't have a vagina
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize