Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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