I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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