sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My ass is underappreciated
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
