Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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