Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
