don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
