you traded sex for a burrito?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Mom said you looked used
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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