Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
