oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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