In the future we'll all be gay
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
