my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
