I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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