The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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