Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
