I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
