Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My hand turned me down
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
