He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
