dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
